But It's Better If You Do
by stutteringrobot
Summary: He said it would feel better with love but what about the pain..?


oh goodie! time for some goth love! this is for a friend since there isn't enough of this pairing.. and I agree!  
so this little thing is a thought I had on the way to school. sad/emo/goth/whatever-you-call-it songs helped to write this. but with a little help of heartbreak songs 'cause y'know they're always an aid in these kinds of stories.  
pairings ; Dylan/Ethan (mainly) – Stan/Dylan/Ethan (odd friendship thing) - Stan/Kenny (momentarily) – Craig/Tweek (momentarily)  
**disclaimer ; south park, sadly, isn't mine. all I own is this story. but it's good enough for me. But it doesn't help my aching heart. :c**

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The walk to school was normal. The same cold wind, the same beat of the footsteps hitting the ground and my same red highlighted hair friend who was next to me, taking drags from his cigarette.

Everything was truly normal but at the same time it wasn't. Lately everyone in school had been leaving their single status and going into a relationship almost in an instant. Hell, even Georgie had gotten a girl from North Park to be with. He had told us (by us I mean, Dylan, Henrietta, and I) that a long distance relationship would keep him away from the conformists. I didn't argue, I let the kid do as he pleased.

So as I said, everyone had been in a relationship. Including myself and Dylan.. with each other. It wasn't my intention, I was persuaded, so to speak. I still remember on how it all started.

_I was with Dylan, sitting at the back of the school smoking and watched the couples roam the back to have a casual make out session. None of them had given a first or second glance at us. It almost like they expected us to be here. (I didn't blame them. We were here always anyway.)_

_One specific couple was next to us and they soon stopped once the bell for class rang. The blue chullo hat wearing boy was muttering to the twitchy blonde he had his arms around. They seemed to debating whether to go to class or not; the blonde was muttering about needing to go to class. Eventually the blue hat wearing boy gave in walking to class, passing me by._

_The blue hat wearing boy muttered as he did pass by. "I bet the two think that if they aren't in a relationship that they'll be different than us. So predictable."_

_I gave him a cold look to show that I was able to hear whatever he was saying. The boy flipped me off after seeing me give that glare, putting his arm around the blonde as he walked away. I had simply rolled my eyes, not really giving a damn. Then I heard a sigh coming from next to me. I turned my head to stare at Dylan who gave out another sigh._

"_You know, he's kinda right." He admitted quietly. He almost looked pained to say that._

_I didn't say anything, we both knew he was right. I hated him so much for being so. I turned my head back to look ahead. I took a drag and sighed as I let the smoke out._

"_What about it? We are doing this to be against them, we even agreed on it."_

"_Yeah.. but that's what they expect from us. What if proved them wrong? Show them that we won't live up to their conformists thoughts. That'll really make us stand out." He said with some sort of certainty. Again Dylan was right. If we really did not want to be like them, we'd go against what they thought._

_Though I still had my thoughts to go against his thought. I wasn't gay or really had a sexuality in that matter. It hadn't crossed my mind. I was able to tell that Dylan had taken note of my silent thinking since he spoke again._

"_Maybe that's why Henrietta had gotten with that jock in Denver. To shock the kids here in school and it did work. You saw their faces when she came in that day with him. Everyone had been surprised."_

_I leant back against the wall behind me. I stared at my cigarette in thought, debating what he had said. But there was one thing that bothered me. Henrietta actually liked being with the jock, being happy to have someone. She had told us that he listened to her and went on with her rants. That he even went a bit goth for her._

_She said that she loved him._

_Maybe that was one thing bugging me. Being able to love someone. Love wasn't in my genes, seeing that my parents didn't love each other but they were together just to be together. But they did just fine. Maybe I didn't have to love Dylan or like him in a romantic way. Probably just be there for each other like friends, what we were already. Just friends._

_I heaved a sigh and nodded slowly. "Fine. Sure, whatever. We'll do it. But mainly to oppose the thought of everyone else."_

_I heard Dylan let out a breath that was followed with smoke. "That'll be just fine."_

So that is what got us to where we were now and it had lasted only a week by now. We didn't do _any_ of the couple things. We (Well myself really, Dylan had simply gone along with it.) thought it was a bit to conformist to do; all of that jazz to hold hands, kiss, and surprise each other with gifts. What good what it do? We would still be Dylan and Ethan, just in a non-single status.

As Dylan and I walked to the path to school, the school's dull yellow bus had passed us by. I casually gave a cold stare at the over preppy students that rode it, some of them didn't pay mind to me and some gave me an all well known eye roll. It was all normal. But there was something else that didn't seem to fit. Out of the corner of my eye was a red and blue puffball and a orange hooded head. It had belonged to the two most well known people between us Goths.

The conformist kid who decided to leave us when he thought that being goth was too depressing and the boy who had the curse to die and come back. His name was Kenny I believe. I figured that the two would be together, seeing that both of them had a connection with us. It was usual when two people had something in common they eventually, well that's what I thought. Just didn't expect for us to be their thing common. Mostly Raven though, he had spent time to us sometimes but only as a backup when his friends weren't around. I didn't mind since we lived in separate worlds but Dylan was a bit aggravated by that of being a second option.

I heard the two being us soon catch up to us. Raven had taken the spot next to me and I looked at the hooded boy who stayed a bit hidden behind him. It was almost like he was afraid of us. Raven was mumbling to him, almost reassuring him of something. Kenny nodded slowly at him, his light blue eyes looking up at him. Then his eyes moved to me. He gave a small smile, I had given a change in my glance instead of a smile. He took that as a hi anyway and tightened his hood a bit more.

I moved my stare to Raven. "Why hello Raven."

"The name is Stan now and hi," his gaze moved to Dylan. "And a hello to you too."

Dylan gave a grunt as a form of a hello, his hazel eyes looked at Raven and Kenny. He flipped his hair and gave a quick nod instead of speaking. Raven had nodded slowly then looked ahead still walking.

"Sooo.." Kenny had cooed. I'm surprised that he finally chosen to talk. Especially after seeing him having such a reaction from seeing us. "How have you guys been doing?"

I opened my mouth to speak but Dylan spoke. "You know the usual, just hating all of the conformist kids in school. The same thing we've been doing for quite sometime now. Just in case you haven't noticed. Anyway, I'm doing just great. Now how are you doing? What about you Raven?"

I expected for Kenny to look hurt but he simply nodded in response. "Right, I figured that out. I'm doing fine."

"I'm doing okay, here and there. And again, it's just _Stan_. It has been name for the last 16 years." Out of the corner of my eye, I could've sworn that I saw Kenny take a hold onto Raven's hand.

"For the short time you spent with it was Raven. Or am I wrong, _Raven_?"

"No you aren't wrong. But I'm obviously not wearing any black now." He snipped back.

"Ah yes and how good you looked in it too." Dylan said cooly. His face had no emotion as he raised his eyebrows at him.

Kenny had muttered and walked a bit faster now, going ahead of us with his hand still holding onto Raven's. He had simply followed the bothered blonde without saying another word. He was probably taken aback as well.

He didn't seem to enjoy watching Dylan and Raven fight. I didn't mind, these kinds of fights would only happen in front of his friends. But I didn't bother to defend him. Or maybe it was that small complement to Stan.

A normal boyfriend would be defensive about that but I wasn't a normal boyfriend. I simply shrugged it off and watched Kenny move faster to be away from us.

After that, there was a comfortable silence between us. I heard Dylan sigh and mutter something I couldn't hear but I didn't bother to ask. I knew why he was a bit ticked off. I turned to him, watching him take a drag from his cigarette. He looked at me and raised an eyebrow as if saying "what". I shrugged again and took the cigarette from his hand and placing it to my lips.

"I guess complementing his boyfriend ticked him off." I said to break the silence.

"I guess. I don't like being around that Kenny kid. I know he's still a bit mad at us for god knows what. Probably about that curse we had nothing to do with."

"We did join the cult. But I understand, not like we inflicted it on him."

"Or our fault his parents are insane alcoholics and drug addicts."

"I heard that they quit that a few years ago."

"Yes that's true. But I also heard that they may be starting again."

"What a sad life." I deadpanned.

"It could be sadder.." he said quietly.

I looked at him when he had said that. Lately he had been a bit quiet around me, a bit more than usual. I didn't pay mind to it, I thought that he'd be able to take care of himself. I handed him back his cigarette, seeing that he was looking down at his purple shoes.

This time there was an awkward silence between us. I went back to staring ahead to the path then I saw Raven and Kenny talking to each other. I saw both of them having that love stricken smile on their faces and the hand holding. It was back to the couple antics whenever we weren't around. I rolled my eyes as I kept walking with my cane. I heard a grunt come from Dylan, I looked at him and saw that he was looking at Raven and Kenny as well. Probably annoyed by them as well.

When we had reached school, I heard a voice call my name quietly. I looked at Dylan but he was already going up the steps to the school entrance, he didn't look back for me so I didn't assume it was him. But then I saw Kenny behind the door, waiting for someone.

"Hey Ethan." The voice called again.

I turned to the direction of the voice and saw Raven there. He looked curious about something, well there was no use in letting him keep wondering.

"Is there something I can help you with, Raven?"

He sighed, knowing that I called him Raven. I knew he preferred Stan but I preferred Raven.

"I couldn't help but notice Dylan today.. He's been acting strange since last week."

"Last week we got together, if you want to know what happened. Is that a problem..?" I said casually. By the face Raven had given me, I guessed my tone wasn't appropriate to say it like that. How did someone sound when they said they had gotten into a relationship?

"Oh! Not at all really. It's that.. you two aren't really acting like a couple if you know what I mean. Isn't there a sort of feeling between you two? A mutual liking?"

"I very much like Dylan, Raven. You know that, I'm friends with him."

He had pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing and looking back at me. "Yes. I know that, I know that well. But that isn't what I meant. Don't you two _love_ each other? In the slightest bit, at all?"

"No.. Why do I _have_ to love him?" I said, raising an eyebrow. I really didn't need this conversation, especially out of all the times in the morning. I hadn't really expected a conversation like this either. He didn't have a right to butt into my life even if we were friends.

"Well I'm not saying you have to love him right away, at least like him in that way.. It feels better with love. That's all I have to say on the matter. Just show him some affection, Dylan deserves at least that." After that, he left to go back to holding hands with Kenny. He had given me one last look before walking inside with him.

I thought for a moment. Dylan did deserve for someone to care about him. I did care about him. But what Raven had said.. _It feels better with love._ Was it true? Did it really feel better?

I sighed and looked around, seeing students stare at me with a look. I scowled at them which made them go back to their normal activity. I went up the steps to go to my dull green colored locker. I saw Dylan leaning against the locker next to mine. He was staring at the students that passed him by and when I had gotten to my locker he looked toward my way.

"What did Raven want?"

"Oh, nothing really. He just wanted to talk you know." I some what lied. He did want to talk, I just couldn't tell Dylan of what exactly he was talking about.

"Right but what exactly did he want to talk about?" He pressed.

"When he was able to spend time with us again on Saturday. We couldn't." I lied again. My luck wasn't that great either.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Well I would've said yes. Ethan, why exactly can't we spend time with Raven? I mean, he rarely does unless he wants to."

I took a breath inward. Maybe this was my chance to actually be affectionate. "We can't hang out with him because I'm taking you out on a date on Saturday."

Dylan chuckled darkly and that made me frown. Is he going to reject me? But his response made me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. "A date? Am I hearing right? You, Ethan, want to take me on a date?" I nodded slowly. "Sure, that'd be nice."

I actually gave a form of a small smile and he returned the smile. We started to walk to the back of the school but this time we walked a bit closer than usual.

Maybe Raven was right about something.

It was Saturday night and I was walking to Dylan's house. I had been thinking about this date non stop, considering this was my first one. Especially with my _boyfriend._ That word didn't stop buzzing through my mind either. It was all only a week and we were already on a date that I suggested. Was this normal to have a date after the first week in a relationship?

It was too late to back down now since I had gotten to Dylan's porch. I knocked on the door then put my hands back in my long black coat. I heard footsteps head toward the door and the door soon opened enough for me to see Dylan's face. He gave me a small smile.

"Evening Dylan. Are you ready for our – um – date?" I asked. I still wasn't sure on what to do. All I knew that I was suppose to make Dylan happy the whole time that we were together during this date. I just didn't expect for myself to falter with my words.

"Oh I am. Are you because you don't sound too sure about this.. Look Ethan, you don't have to do this. We can just be in my room during the date." He offered. A small part of me wanted to accept his offer but another part of me didn't want to do that, I knew the second part of me was right.

"I'm sure, don't worry about me. I actually wanted to take a walk with you around town. Even go to a small cliff I found."

In South Park, which was amazing and a hidden beauty, was a small cliff. It was found deep in the forest of South Park. I'm surprised that such a small conformist town had something not so conformist. It was a perfect view to over the town and it was dark, mysterious, and quiet. Just the way I liked it; the same way I liked my books, music, and surroundings. And that cliff fit perfectly to what I wanted.

"A small cliff. That sounds pretty cool.. Well we should go before the night leaves us. Before that blasted sun comes up and makes me notice what town we're in again. But that cliff does sound intriguing." He moved from inside of his house and to the porch to close the door. Dylan had taken out a pack of cigarettes and offered one to me. I took it quietly and lit it with the lighter in my pocket. I handed him the light so he's be able to light his own cigarette.

We walked the way to the cliff and I felt the small source of light called the stars on the side of my face. I left the cigarette on my lips and saw the puffs of smoke that Dylan let out. I looked straight ahead, going quiet.

Soon Raven's voice came to my head, almost as an aid to help me on doing things.

**Hold his hand. Or at least have some kind of physical contact. Don't be so distant!**

This was crazy of me, having him help me build a relationship I didn't intend on having. But it felt natural to have him to help. I moved my hand hesitantly toward Dylan's and held it in mine. I heard him shift slightly, I expected for him to move his hand but instead he held my hand back. I smiled softly and kept walking.

**Great! Now we're getting somewhere. Now talk to him. Silence isn't going to do any good y'know.**

I obeyed the voice and started to talk. I moved eyes to look at Dylan who was still letting out puffs of smoke. "The walk up the hill to the cliff isn't easy. It's actually pretty steep. So I suggest you be careful.."

"Alright then. Thanks for that then." Dylan flicked his fringe back and looked at me. He gave me a slightly bigger smile than the ones we usually gave each other. And they were pretty non existent. I felt a bit happy to see that smile.

I nodded stupidly then looked ahead. Just ahead was the steep climb anyway. Great thing too since I had lost a few things to saw anyway. We had walked up for a moment then it started to get a bit steeper. It was steeper than I remember. I felt the hold on my hand loosen a bit and I turned around, seeing Dylan slip on a rock.

"Shit, fucking thing almost made me fall," he grumbled. I rolled my eyes and continued.

"I told you to be careful."

"I'm trying but tell that to mother nature. I think she's trying to make me face plant to the floor."

"I'll be sure to talk to her about that some other time." I muttered.

"Oh shut up you." He chuckled lightly.

**See? Now you guys are getting somewhere. Talk more.**

Shut up you.

Anyway, we had gotten to the cliff, we walked toward the edge and I sat down by the edge. As much as I talked about dying at the edge of a cliff, now wasn't those times. Not while I was with Dylan. He had gone to sit next to me and sat closely. I smiled softly and looked out to the town. It actually looked nice. The few houses that had a chimney let out smoke and the smoke traveled near us.

"What a nice view.. Better than the one out my window." He sighed in bliss.

I nodded in agreement. "Well the view from your window isn't that bad. This just shows maybe this little mountain town has more to show.. Maybe if it wasn't filled with all of these people."

"Maybe.. Ethan, thanks for this. I didn't know about this place until today. It's really amazing." He said quietly.

"No problem. I wanted to do this for you. I figured to be a little affectionate."

"Really now? Why the sudden affection?"

I shrugged and the corner of my lips moved a bit. "You deserve it, that's why."

"I think you're right. Thank you again. I had actually been hoping for you to do something. I had been secretly having a crush on you for a while. I know it's cliché but it's true." He confessed.

I blinked and looked at Dylan. A crush..?

"That's why I asked for you to be my boyfriend. Part of it was to get back at the conformists but another half wanted this. So for the third time, thank you."

**Do **_**something**_**. The date is going great and this is a perfect chance for you to make a move. He **_**does**_** care about you.**

I moved in and pressed a kiss to his cheek, smiling softly. I knew I had caught Dylan off guard because he had flinched as if he didn't expect it. I bet he didn't anyway after that confession. Before I knew it, I felt his lips on mine. I put my arms around him and kissed back. I knew that it had lasted for a long amount of time because when we pulled away we were both out of air. Dylan got up, left my hold, but still kept his hand connected with mine.

"You're welcome then. For this."

We stayed silent for a good amount of time as we looked out to the town. It was comfortable around this silence. I liked it a lot until it was interrupted by Dylan shifting in my hold.

"As much as I had a good time, I have to go home. Conformist bitch of a mom is probably worried about me."

"Right." I got up and soon took my place next to him. I walked ahead of him but I felt him pressed against me as we walked. I smiled as we walked back. Looks like it wasn't so hard to do this.

I had walked Dylan home then we departed with a kiss. But this one was a quick one, I walked back home, my hands back in my coat's pockets. My left hand still felt warm from Dylan. I replayed the small moment in my head, it was perfect.

**Well that had gone well. I told you. It would feel better with love**.

I smiled at the voice and nodded slowly. I whispered to myself while staring at the ground. "And I promise for this to go on with love from now on."

Ever since that date, Dylan and I had began to act more like a couple. It was nice, pleasant, and full of love. I admit it, I was in love with Dylan. But who could blame me? He was a great person and he was only like that toward me. All the other Britneys and Timberlakes didn't deserve to see how great he was. I knew that they would spoil him.

Right now it was lunch but since I had let out a rant about how shitty the school was and how fake the students were in class, the teacher had made me sit back. I felt like I was in 1st grade. I didn't deserve this. I guess he couldn't handle the truth. A lot of people couldn't. Dylan had given me a look before leaving me behind but I waved a hand at him to let him know I'd be fine.

The teacher had let me go in the middle of the lunch period for "good behavior". As if I'd do anything wrong in the first place. I went to the back of the school, getting out my lighter and cigarette ready. I opened the door quietly and heard a small squeak followed by a sob.

"I don't know what to do! I didn't expect for this to happen!" I knew that voice and it belonged to Raven. What was he all riled up about? The last few days he didn't have a reason to be. To get a better look, I opened the door a bit more to see what was happening.

I saw Dylan with his arms around Raven who was curled up in his arms. I noticed that he was back in his goth clothes and he was sobbing still.

"It's okay.. It's not your fault. You have no control over these thing nor do I.." Dylan had said quietly as if he was saying a secret to him. Something inside of me boiled since he had used that tone with me.

"You don't understand! I feel like a part of me has been torn! I don't know how I'll cope now, D-Dylan.. Maybe if I go and-" Raven was hushed when Dylan pressed his lips on his black poofball hat.

"Just calm down. You will cope, later in time. This all must be a shock to you." Raven nodded and snuggled in closer. "You'll be okay.. I'll still be here for you."

"T-Thank you, Dylan. I r-really needed to hear that, especially from you." A small chuckle left the smaller boy. "Oh god, I must be twitchy like Tweek."

"Oh no, he'd much more twitchy than you. You have a reason, he doesn't. How about you go back to your friends and we can talk later?"

"Uhhh, are you sure? I don't have to leave.. Ethan isn't here and I'd hate to leave you alone." Raven said quietly to him. He moved out of the hold a bit but kept his eyes on Dylan.

That was all I needed to see. I closed the door to not interrupt their moment and walked away, stuffing my cigarette and lighter back in my pocket. How could I have been so stupid? There was a reason why I stayed away from love. Just to stay away from this kind of pain. But like always, my luck wasn't the best. I felt the same kind of pain Raven had said now. To have a piece torn off. How cliché of me. I left the school seeing that I couldn't go to the back since it was occupied. I went to the front steps and stayed there for a good amount of time.

The lunch bell had rang and I heard students come out the lunch room with their loud conversation. I was glad they were that loud, they had distracted me from my thoughts.

But then all of a sudden, I heard the entrance door creak open then a voice I hadn't really been expecting call my name. "Ethan? There you are. I've been waiting for you at the back like always."

Dylan, I should have known. He was so keen on finding me whether I wanted him to or not. This was one of the times I didn't him to find me. I really didn't need it now. But I couldn't ignore him either. It was too much of a cliché to ignore him or give him a snappy tone. Who needed that really? But I couldn't lie to him now. This was really bugging me.

"The teacher let me out early and I did go to the back to see you. But then I saw something very interesting."

"Oh? Interesting? What was so interesting at the back of the school?" He said. I heard him walk down the steps and sit down next to me. I sighed and turned to look at him.

"You and Raven. I saw you hold him, what was that all about?"

Dylan sighed and smiled sadly. "Oh god, Ethan. Your conformist jealousy. It's funny. I was comforting Raven. Only becau-"

"So you were comforting him by holding him and kissing his head?"

"Why yes. It actually soothed him. Now let me finish my sentence."

"Go ahead."

"If you keep interrupting, I will leave."

I was about to answer but the look on his face made me quiet down a bit. "Good. Anyway, Kenny died for who knows what how many times. He told me Kenny had gotten run over a car badly then died in front of him. So he broke down. Then he was in the back of the school, crying. So I went to hold him until he let it all out. Which he did. Right now he's with the red head who is probably comforting him as well."

I nodded slowly and chewed on my bottom lip. How could I have been so stupid? "Wow. Well thank you for telling me.."

"It would have been a lot quicker if you hadn't been interrupting me so much. Were you thinking that I was cheating on you..? Oh fuck no. I couldn't do that too you." Dylan's sad smile changed into a soft one, he looked at me, and laced our fingers together. "I love you. In case you didn't know."

"I love you too and thank you for being you. Because that's all I ever need." I confessed quietly. My eyes moved to our laced hands and I felt Dylan's other hand be placed on my cheek. He moved in to my face and used his hand to move my face closer. He placed his lips on my and I felt my eyes flutter shut.

It was almost like the kiss he had given me on the night of our date. He tasted like nicotine from the cigarettes he smoked and he tasted like peppermint, which was a nice taste that mixed with the nicotine. I pulled away and stared at him quietly.

"We should get to class before we're late. Or we're going to be staying after school."

"I'll be fine, as long as I'm with you."

"Now you're being a cheesy conformist romantic. Now c'mon." Dylan got up with a hold of my hand still. I followed behind with a smile on my face.

Maybe it did feel better with love.

* * *

There! I'm done! :D haha, I hope you all enjoyed this fic. It was fun to write it.


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